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Word came this morning that two networks, A&E and Discovery, are fighting over quitting governor Palin’s proposed reality series about her native homeland, the Alaska. Which she would host. If this thing actually goes to air, what’ll it be like?
Well, naturally, we have some ideas.
Episode 1: ‘Just 30 Minutes Away from Alaska’
This is what hokey-jokey Alaskans say about Anchorage, because it is so urban that it’s really not part of the real Alaska. So this episode wil feature Future President Palin walking around and pointing out all the trendy elitist shopping districts. She’ll go into a restaurant to try the food, Rachael Ray-style, and will want to look sorta classy for the cameras, so she’ll order a glass of white wine (‘A wine, please’) but then the waiter will ask ‘Would you like to see the wine list?’ and Sarah will guffaw and make a ‘Is this guy crazy or what?’ look to the camera and she’ll say ‘Forget it, I’ll just have an Alaskan Amber.’ Later, she’ll see a homeless Inuit woman servicing two drifters in an alleyway and she’ll look into the camera and say ‘Looks like we got ourselves a community organizer over here, huh?’ That’s Sarah!
Episode 2: ‘The Coldest Winter I Ever Spent…’
This will be the inevitable Wasilla episode, in which Sarah returns to her tribal lands and gets a hero’s welcome. Mostly she’ll parade down the main street with a rifle, shooting at various moose and wolves and Asian people that have been set up beforehand by loyal townsfolk. She’ll then take us on yet another tour of her house, with Todd standing awkwardly in the corner and, if you look close enough, Levi peering in a window, naked. After she cooks ‘us’ up a big mess of moose chili, she’ll take us to one of the hottest stores in town, the rape kit store, where abused women can go and tremblingly fork over money for their very own kits. There will then be the Parade of Palins, with the whole clan processing around town waving. The whole thing ends at a big book burning outside city hall and everyone laughs and cheers until it gets dark and everyone goes to bed, at 2pm.
Episode 3: ‘Drill, Baby, Drill’
To promote Alaska’s leadership in the field of energy, Sarah will take us up to Prudhoe Bay and ANWR and all that fun stuff and we’ll get to watch as she herself mans a drill that plunges deep into the virgin ground and she laughs and laughs and hoots and hollers as hot oil splashes all over her face and the wolves howl and the world burns.
Now your turn! What else will happen on Sarah Palin‘s Alaska?
[Pic via Getty]
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I judge Star, In Touch, Us, Life & Style and Ok!. This week: Sandra Bullock‘s husband is having an affair; Jen’s getting artificially inseminated and Tinsley Mortimer is a hair model!
‘Ten Lbs. In 10 Days!’
Margaret learned that Kendra’s diet plan includes eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast, toast for lunch, and raw vegetables and a small piece of chicken breast for dinner. Snooze. (And how is this an exclusive if we already saw her pouring corn flakes into a blender and she already told us how she lost 25 lbs in 8 weeks?) Even though we previously read that this woman felt bad about her body and wanted a breast reduction, this week she’s ‘in her sexiest shape ever!’ In other news: Emma Roberts and Taylor Lautner may be dating… because at the Vanity Fair Oscar party they talked for 40 minutes with her hand on his knee! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are definitely planning to have another baby, but he says getting pregnant has to be Katie’s decision. How noble! ‘Though they love his adopted son Connor, Tom must want a biological son to pass on the gene pool,’ says a source. In an interview, when asked if she thinks it’s possible for exes to get back together, Jennifer Aniston said yes. So the headline here is ‘Jen’s Message To Brad.’ A source says: ‘In her heart, Jen has always felt that Brad’s relationship with Angelina is just a very passionate fling.’ Five years and six kids is a fling? We are literally ROTFL over here! Cameron Diaz fought the studio to get her ex, Justin Timberlake, in the movie Bad Teacher — an insider says Cameron “really pushed it.”Apparently they wanted Bradley Cooper, Paul Rudd or some other “real actor,” but Cam convinced them JT would be great. She also asked for the love scenes to be rewritten so that they are “even juicier” and “longer.”
Grade: F (ANTM reject)
‘Growing Up Too Fast.’
This cover story is all about how celebrity kids live luxurious lives. Suri Cruise is “a little adult whose parents don’t talk down to her.” She is also a “Pellegrino-sipping girl” who “travels in private jets and chauffeured cars.” Honor Warren (Jessica Alba’s daughter) is 21 months old, and has a $120 Bonpoint cardigan. Madonna’s daughter Mercy James has a $128 Stella McCartney for Gap blazer and a $235 D&G bag. Nahla Aubry has a $135 Bonpoint blouse; Matilda Ledger has a Petite Bateau rain jacket which retails at $120. The mag points out that Suri once wore a $635 Holmes & Yang dress, but since her mom designed it, we doubt she paid for it. Next: Justin Timberlake was at Tao in Las Vegas on March 10, and a cocktail waitress had her hands on his chest, under his jacket. The lady’s name is Joey Williams, and she’s brown with dark hair. A friend of Justin’s swears she’s not his type: ‘He’s into athletic tomboyish white girls.’ So that’s settled. Kate Winslet agreed to shoot the miniseries Mildred Pierce in NYC, but Sam Mendes wanted to stay in the UK. ‘Kate told Sam, ‘Your career is not more important than mine,” says a source. Hence the split. Last week, one tabloid had the word ‘ditched’ on a story about Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick; now she sets the record straight, saying ‘We are tired of the lies… [our baby] brought us together. Our relationship is stronger.’ Kim adds: ‘They are so in love.’ Whatever! Lastly: There’s nothing new in the four-page story about Corey Haim.
Grade: D- (car show model)
Life & Style
‘Corey’s Final Days.’
There are lots of old pictures of Corey Haim and details about all the times he went into rehab here, if you are interested. Moving on: Justin Timberlake ‘humiliated’ Jessica Biel by hanging out with a Vegas cocktail waitress (see image 7). A “witness” says “She had dark curly hair, and big boobs — of course.” There’s a picture of the lady in question here and her rack is not that big, but let’s continue. The source says: “He looked like he was definitely out to hook up.” Mmkay? Kate Gosselin has been spending ‘late nights with a married man,’ and guess what? He’s her Dancing With The Stars partner, Tony Dovolani. They went to a 7:45 showing of Alice In Wonderland, and Tony didn’t get back to his hotel until 5:30 am. Tori Spelling’s marriage is ‘in crisis.’ She’s “grown tired” of single-handedly supporting the family — in addition to supporting Dean’s pricey hobby, motorcycle racing. Apparently Dean “has very little money of his own.” In a story about how Beyoncé and her mom are ‘praying for a baby,’ the caption reads: ‘Beyoncé looked a tad bumpy in a stunning frock.’ (See image 8). Is a ‘tad’ bumpy like ‘a little pregnant’? Next: Heidi and Spencer might have been ‘brainwashed’ by their mystic spiritual adviser Aidan Chase. A source says ‘no one can talk any sense into them’ and ‘this guy is feeding them spiritual guidance and it’s all they’re living their lives by now.’ Apparently Spencer has spent around $500,000 on crystals this year and now signs his emails ‘pure love and light.’ Unsolicited uterus update: Jennifer Aniston is ‘determined’ to become a mom in 2010. She’s been talking to fertility experts about intra-uterine insemination and is ‘on the hunt’ for a sperm donor. Tally ho! Bethenny Frankel says her wedding to Jason Hoppy is ‘just around the corner’ and she’ll get married before she gives birth. Breaking ‘Celebrity Scandal’: Lady Gaga is ‘not that original.’ (see image9) Rihanna spends $2300 a day to stay fit: the personal trainer is $1500 a day; the private chef is $800. Lastly: We present, without comment, the most high society thing we’ve ever seen: Tinsley Mortimer, hair model (see image 10).
Grade: D (hair model)
‘Billion Dollar Babies!’
Here we have 8 pages of celebrity baby pictures and tidbits about their lives. For instance: Jennifer Lopez’s kids have matching Burberry swimsuits and butlers in tuxedos who serve them on the finest china. Tom and Katie have a live-in chef, who is ‘frequently roused in the wee hours’ when Suri wants freshly-baked cookies or a burger. Brad and Angie have psychologist Dr. Jane Aaronson on speed-dial, and Brad bought Shiloh a $28,000 custom-made suit of armor, so she can play Knights Of The Round Table. Awesome. Oh, and Knox Jolie-Pitt has a $600 leather jacket. Nahla has never had fast food or soda, because Halle Berry has a private chef who only makes her organic and healthy food. What is childhood without chicken nuggets!?!? Kourtney Kardashian has spent $100,000 on photo shoots for her son Mason. On to other news: Eli Roth and Peaches Geldof are totes dating. Billy Corgan taught Jessica Simpson how to play chess, and they have been meeting for weekly matches — though she has never beat him. Blind item! “Which comic and former TV star gets his kicks by calling phone sex lines? A neighbor mistakenly got his phone bill and saw over a thousand dollars in charges. What’s the deal with that?” This spread called “Gender Bending” turns Brad Pitt into woman and Angelina Jolie into a man. (See image 11) Kendra’s E! True Hollywood Story will reveal that she first did coke at 13, and OD’d in her sophomore year of high school. ‘I was bleeding from every hole in my body,’ she says. ‘I really thought I was going to die that night.’ Lastly, this report claims that in Vegas, Justin was flirting with two sexy go-go dancers (one of whom was the previously mentioned Joey Williams) and took them up to his room for a ‘sexy late night after party.’ Sexy sex sex sex! Do you have to RSVP to a sexy late night party? Oh: Two nights later he was seen surrounded by women again, when he partied with Jon Hamm in L.A. We want to hear more about that!
Grade: D (foot model)
‘The Ultimate Betrayal!’
Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee claims that she has been having an 11-month affair with Jesse James, who is married to Sandra Bullock. This was happening while Sandy was filming The Blind Side. Michelle is a tattoo model, and contacted James about appearing in West Coast Chopper ads. They met; he gave her a tour of the shop, and then they went into his office and ended up on the couch. She said: ‘What’s going on with you and Sandra?’ He said: ‘She doesn’t live here. She has a house in Austin. She’s filming, and I can’t talk about it.’ Shady! Then the mag prints this sentence: ‘Michelle continued talking to Jesse, she says, and then after ripping off her spandex pants, ‘We had intimate relations.” Michelle claims that she and Jesse hooked up in the office a few times, and spills that he doesn’t doesn’t wear underwear — or condoms, and she nicknamed him “Vanilla Gorilla,” because he was so well endowed. When she told him that the sex couch in his office was ‘nasty,’ he bought a new one, and, she says, ‘That was very tender of him.’ He loved performing oral sex on her, and dug when she wore a pair of black patent leather pumps while they were doing it. Michelle adds: ‘I would never have hooked up with him if I thought he was a married man. He gave me the impression they were separated.’ Jesse is allegedly still texting her, BTW (see image 12). Moving along: Vienna from The Bachelor was “secretly horrified” by recent pictures of herself and is hoping to score some free surgeries from Heidi Montag’s doctor. On the spread called “40 & Fab!,” Mariah Carey, Jen Aniston and Gwen Stefani are called “cougars.” In Justin Timberlake news, this report claims that when JT was in Vegas, he was “acting single” and wasn’t answering Jessica’s calls. A “friend” says: “Justin wants out [of the relationship with Jessica], but he doesn’t have the heart to break up with her.” Finally: Mackenzie Phillips had a $50,000 plastic surgery makeover with no pain medication and ‘invited’ the mag along (see image 13). She got Botox, Restylane and extensive dental work, and says she ‘felt insecure’ after someone posted a picture of a horse with her name under it on Facebook. She had 40 hours of dental work with only Advil and Novocaine. After she got clean, she says, ‘I felt like someone new on the inside, but I was still wearing the ravages of that old life on the outside. It’s interesting to have the chance to have my insides and outsides match.’
Grade: C (tattoo model)
From Life & Style
From In Touch
If Tiger Woods bumped into Jesse James, surely the first words out of his mouth would be “Thank you.” Woods, the worldwide known professional golfer, has had the unwanted national media spotlight on him lately for his self-professed unfaithful encounters with various women over the years. Although not all the details are known, Jesse James, a self-made custom motorcycle maker turned Hollywood superstar, may be best known for his marriage to the famous Sandra Bullock.
My question to Jesse James is: “What the heck were you thinking’ boy?” If Sandra Bullock isn’t one of the most classically beautiful women in Hollywood, then I must be half woman. Although details have not yet surfaced, Michelle “Bombshell” McGee is rumored to have stripped for James. Whether or not things went further is anyone’s guess, but with a wife like Bullock, why in the world would he even take that chance?
Sandra is reported to have left the home, so one is led to believe that more may have transpired between James and “Bombshell.” If you google a photo of her, you can see why James may have been attracted; they both have a penchant for tattoos–a lot of them. Jesse seems like a nice guy on TV despite his tattoos and if all McGee did was show a little skin, then I hope James gets another shot with the ravishing and sophisticated Bullock. If things went any further though, then Jesse either needs to check into the nearest insane asylum, drive his custom chopper off a cliff, or both.
First of all, my heart goes out to Chris Henry’s family–I cannot imagine the loss and grief that they must be suffering and feeling at this time. I am sure there is nothing on earth that can relieve their emotional pain. Having said, and assuming that his family is close to Loleini Tonga‘s family, is she at all responsible for Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry’s tragic death?
I’m sure the Charlotte-Mecklenburg police are doing their best to answer questions about the tragedy, but even if Henry jumped out of the back of the truck on his own free will, was Tonga driving recklessly? Photos on the internet show tire tracks through the yard of Tonga. One witness even stated the truck was traveling “pretty fast.” Witnesses on 911 calls say that Henry was begging Tonga to stop and even threatening to throw himself out of the truck. If someone is in the back of your truck, begging you to stop, and ends up dying, is the person driving at all responsible? Sure, Henry jumped into the truck on his own free will, but he also begged Tonga to stop.
What if Henry had been driving and Tonga was in the bed of the truck? I know one thing for sure, Henry would have been processed and behind bars already. Sure, Chris Henry made some unwise choices, but at the least, how will Loleini Tonga be able to live with herself. At most, she should be held responsible for her actions in this tragic event, including her action of deciding not to stop the truck and drive it “recklessly” as described by at least one witness.
What do you think? Should Tonga face any charges? What if Henry had been driving the truck–would the reaction from police and the media be any different?
The CBS News producer accused of trying to extort $2 million from David Letterman is free after posting $200,000 bail — but although Robert “Joe” Halderman is back on the street, he still has to stay away from Dave. Judge Michael Melkonian has issued a temporary order of protection requiring Halderman to keep away distance from the Late Show host.
On Friday, Halderman — who is accused of blackmailing Dave with secrets about his sex life with staffers — entered a plea of not guilty on one felony count of attempted grand larceny in the first degree.
Reports are circulating that are naming Stephanie Birkitt as the woman in the David Letterman scandal that he allegedly had a relationship with.
Even more surprising, it is being reported that Birkitt is the former girlfriend of Joe Halderman. Halderman is the man that was arrested for allegedly threatening to extort $2 million dollars from Dave to come public with details about the affair.
Birkitt, a graduate of Wake Forest University, joined the Letterman show as in intern in the late 90’s. She also held various roles on the show such as introducing viewer mail in quirky costumes.
Birkitt is reported to have said that Letterman was a lot of fun and he really put her at ease. Many who watch the show said that they had a good chemistry as they would banter back and forth and even flirt at times.
However, the relationship is so far unconfirmed and Birkitt could not be reached for comment.